The Test Pilot

A Plane builder needed a pilot,
So Bob told the guy, he would try it.
When Bob took to the air,
Plane parts fell everywhere.
Bob radioed “where shall I pile it?”

The Conceited Yachtsman

Supercilious Sam took up yachting,
But his yacht was without much caulking,
The yacht started to sink,
And poor Sam could just shriek,
Watching yachters were just hee hawing!

Liz’s Pets

Liz is a lady who purchased three pets,
And sadly had serious regrets.
The snake swallowed the frog,
And then struck the poor dog,
Then stretched out to sun right where Liz sets.

The Dim Witted Typist

Though Sue is a very fast typist,
She is certainly not the brightest.
When she asked what to wear,
Her Boss mentioned mohair.
She rushed out and found a hair stylist.

The Fat Lady Sings

A lady named Ruth who sang opera,
Was seeking to find a new genre,
So Ruth tried rock and roll,
But she couldn’t control,
The urge to launch into an aria.

The Man From Aruba

There once was a man from Aruba,
Whose favorite hobby was scuba.
Every day he would wish,
He could spear a big fish.
But settled instead for canned tuna.

Myrtle’s Girdle

Sue purchased a girdle for Myrtle,
From thigh to her neck it encircled.
When sue cinched it up tight,
She was sickened with fright.
Poor Myrtle resembled a turtle.

The Pirate

A pirate who hailed from Gibraltar, 
Fancied he’d be a great author.
He published his frolics,
Of ruin and rollicks,
He now is a peg-legged yachter.

The Russian

A man known as Pete lived in Russia,
His home was a beautiful dacha.
But they suffered a drought,
And his wife kicked him out, 
‘Cause vodka gave Ivan bad nausea.

The Naked Dancer

Louise was a really swell dancer,
She could spin as though on a caster.
But when twisting midair,
She became plainly bare. 
The result of one missing fastener.

The Greek

A Greek guy I met was called Kostas,
He saved up a whole bunch of drachmas.
But when Euros came ‘round,
And their value went down,
He buried them under his guava.

Big Ben

The bell called Big Ben is quite pleasin',
It’s great when your nerves need some easin'.
But it was a bad scene,
When the bell struck thirteen.
The locals said Ben was just teasin'!

Rapunzals Visitors

I read of this gal called Rapunzal,
Whose hair was one heck of a bundle.
She once let it all out,
But soon started to shout.
She forgot she lived near the jungle!

The Drunken Vicar

An abbey near York had a Vicar,
Who had a real problem with liquor.
He would crawl all around,
Every pub in the town,
And spend church donations for bitters.

The Gaucho

I once met a genuine gaucho,
Who most of his life chewed tobacco.
Then he married sweet Sue,
Who soon ruined his chew,
By loading it up with Tabasco.  

The Rude Lawyer

There was a rude lawyer from Kenya,
Who'd do what he could to defend ya'.
He would holler and scream,
And he'd act really mean.
He'd win, but would always offend ya'.

The Adventurer

I’ve dangled from rock cliffs precarious,
I lived with a tribe who was leprous.
How I’ve done this you see,
Is by watching TV.
For I am adventurer vicarious!

The Man from Nantucket (tamed)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who had an extremely long trumpet.
He said with a grin,
I’d play it again,
But I don’t know where I have stucket!

The Man from Nantucket (tamed)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who had an extremely long trumpet.
He could blow it so clear,
The notes caught in your ear,
But now he don't know where he stucket.