The Wait

Shimmering water droplets
Dripping from the faucet of time,
Seconds slip idly by.
Heartbeats winding down,
The slowing of the clock.
Soon the hands will stop and
It will tick no more.
In suspended animation,
Time waits with me.
Eyes upon the door,
Watching for life to enter

01062006

I have had my heart ripped out a thousand times.
The ritual is nothing new.
Friends, lovers, relatives
Casually claw the pulpy organ
From its warm nest,
Streaking a red tail like a comet.

Today, my heart was removed for real.
With surgical precision,
Flashing blade sliced bone, sinew, flesh,
My soul anchored by a machine,
Pumping steadfastly to move my blood
In the absence of a pulse.

Corrupted, diseased lump of flesh,
Cut out like a tumor.
No longer mine,
Surrendered to pathologists
Who will slice and dice like 
Great sous chefs of medicine.

No more will that blackened, 
Maimed core drive me.
Today, a new heart melds with my flesh.
Free of the old burden,
I begin again, the heart of a child,
Learning of love for the first time.

Afterbirth

Muscles cramping, I convulse,
Hunched over an emesis basin.
Pink kidney collects my thoughts.

Shrunken world in the sphere of my bed,
White shapes shimmer in peripheral view.
The hum of machines masks all sound.

Anesthesia drunk, all thoughts a blur,
A cacophony of bells peals in my head.
I am so cold I may be a corpse.

Stomach will not hold food, drink or pills.
Too newly returned from the realm of the dead,
The flesh rejects all sustenance.

Slowly, the body creeps back to itself.
Reacquainted at last, I take baby steps,
Emerging from this second birth canal.

Psalm 13910

Day and night I have lamented in my anguish.
The sun has blistered my flesh and 
The moon has shivered my soul.
In suffering I have found strength.
In silence I have found truth.

Your words are wisdom to my soul.
Your voice is victory to my flesh.
Sickness cannot endure your presence.
With you by my side I cannot fail.
Death must turn away from you.

Every day I will rejoice in your mercy.
You have banished the darkness
That once consumed me.
The night of a thousand years has ended
And a new day lights upon me.

High Octane

Racing 1,000 miles per hour,
My heart hopped up on jet fuel.
She pumps and pumps
In a mindless frenzy,
Newly enamored of life.

Blood returns,
Flushing face, hands and feet,
Sweating for the first time in two years.
Sensation returns, 
Warming flesh long given up for dead.

Even the pain is a joy,
Shocking life into flaccid flesh.
The body is restless, stirred by the heart –
Walking, running, trying to fly,
Recovery comes so quickly.

I cannot sit still.
Having observed life for too long,
I must be a participant and will not be deterred.
Every day must be devoured,
Eating my dessert first.