A middle-aged, sandy-haired man dressed like a cowboy, looks at Mary's big, fat-free pumpkin, which she has come to claim with her pumpkin coupon. "Geez, what a beauty," he said, pointing to the pumpkin. "Wonder why they chopped off the stem. None of the others back in produce had stems on them either. I think it really adds to the looks of a pumpkin when it has a good, healthy stem."

"Well, it'll be all right," said Mary, "I'm putting a hat and face on him - no one will know the difference,"

"You ought to give him a cowboy hat," he said, grinning broadly beneath the one he wore on his head.

"Good idea," Mary said, admiring his hat. "Maybe you can give me yours - I really like it."

"Yeah?" he said, beaming. "You can have it. There's only one catch - you have to take the face that goes with it."

"Oh, terrific! That's a much better face than any I'd ever be able to make," she said with a smile.

"All right! That's a deal. I'm all yours."

After a moment's hesitation she said, pointing to the stemless pumpkin, "Well, you can't laugh a gift-horse in the mouth."

He looked puzzled. "You can't laugh or look a gift-horse in the mouth?"

"Oh," Mary said, laughing. "That's right. Listen, I don't have alsheimers, I just have C.R.S."

"What's that?"

"I can't remember shit."

Copyright © 2003 Mary L. Ports